GAYS AND GEISHAS
The film review that never was...(er..reviewed)

Oh my oh my, what have we come to. These are not my words.
My words would be more subtle and sober;
something like..."haha hehe..", somewhat on those lines.
You get the drift.
I'm referring to the reaction of conservationists.
..oh wait, i mean conservatives, on seeing some
of the Oscar-winning movies of 2006.

To be fair, one really can't blame these purists
toomuch for choking on their values when you see
grown men--and cowboys at that--winning accolades
and awards for humping each other in the middle
of the night; never mind even if it is under a beautiful
Wyoming forest night; and it's really cold to sleep alone.
"It's just not cricket, mate".

And Chinese actresses--traitors to the cause
(of hating anything that is Japanese, other than
Asimo,the Honda robot)-- playing all the leading roles
in a Japanese film; and Geishas at that.

Other than these obvious sacrileges, Brokeback Mountain
and Memoirs of a Geisha weren't too disappointing to watch,
backed with a solid script with obvious abundance of
creativity in their overall production; though both films
lacked something in one field or the other to bring one back
to see it again. Not blockbuster stuff.

Brokeback Mountain is of course, a film about two
gaylovers who do what most gay men do, behind their
spouses' back. And the Director got an Oscar
just for showing that. Heath Ledger's cowboy accent
wasn't convincing -his mouth too constraint when uttering
his lines. But he got an Oscar nomination for best actor anyway.
For being Gay. And kissing and humping another guy.

But i really really really loved the location of shooting.
The streams and forests and the mountain were an absolute treat.
I sighed at the scenery whilesome people probably
sigh at the nookie. But i don't judge. Let them sigh.

What basically happens in the film is that the two cowboys fall
in love while tending sheeps in the Mountains. They parted,
got married to 'women' and years later, met up and re-start their
r-e-l-a-t-i-o-nship. Every three months, both tell their wives they
are going fishing in Brokeback Mountain; but instead of humming
the jolly 'a hunting we will go' rhyme, they instead sing
'a humping we will go' and do exactly that, year after year.
Until one of them dies. The End. Oscar stuff.

Now i wasn't too sure about watching Memoirs of a Geisha,
because it sounded boring. But surprisingly, i liked it.
Maybe its because there's a 'Mills-and-Boons Genes' stuck
in my body somewhere. I'm a sucker for happy endings.
I almost undertook a fast unto death after Russel Crow
died at the end of 'Gladiator'. I mean, he killed the bad guy,
the people loved him, and he was going to get the girl.
But he Died??? That sucked.
I've had a grouse against the Director ever since.
Coming back to Memoirs..., a girl sold to a Geisha house as
a kid falls in love with a dude called 'Chair-man', although i swear
he is never shown making chairs during the entire movie.
What happens is like a typical love story-- they first face many
hardships but eventually end up together.
They also kissed. I Think?? Sigh.

I'm still not sighing at the kissing or the nookie; my object of
attention was the location again.The place where the last scene
took place. A park in Japan. Even my uncle Bush (Yes, the
President of the US of A) had been there when he visited Japan.
It's so...inexplicable.
So soothing. i think i would be perfectly happy for the first five
minutes if i am there. I would be too lost in amazement.
Stupified even. I might even die because i'd probably forget to breath.
Then again, maybe it's not just the place..maybe it's also because
Zhang Ziyi is there..(Hmm...Take note--Beautiful women can kill you).

Budget blues: no subsidies for heavyduty boogers

Ok, so the most important day in parliament has
come to pass, meaning--the budget proposal's
out. And FM Chidam-badam (almond-face) has,
with his eloquence , managed to present the budget
without letting the opposition parties indulge in their
favourite pastime, i.e staging a walk-out or taking
vocal lessons in Parliament by shouting what-who-cares
making the 'House' look like an auditorium where
hundreds of extremely un-talented half-breeds are
practicing choir songs together.

Since the BJP isn't biting and the left's not barking either,
the very important duty of whining is now left solely on
the shoulders of yours truely. So lets look into the
fine print of the big B to see 'what's boogers got to do with it.'

Cheaper small cars- Yeah right. Like i can afford it
or something!!!!! Bringing down the price by a little
over Rs 10000 isn't gonna help me much. Those who
can afford the new price can afford the old price,
and those who can't....And to top it, there's a threat of
increase in the price of petrol. So i say: Take the subsidy
and shove it up your a.......s.
I have a feeling i'm gonna keep on singing Janis Joplin's
"Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz" for a very long time.

No new taxes- Unless they'er gonna tax poverty, than they
can't touch me,haha. This piece of news doesn't
stir my Loins...They could hike taxes on underwear
for all i care..cause i can't even afford those.

No service tax on Lawyers-What! No tax for those
daylight robbers? you might ask. But, i agree with the
FM on this one when he joked in his press conference
that they don't provide any 'service' anyway..

Like every other thing, no matter how small or big, the
pundits and Turnips have come out with their analysis,
predictions and what they personally want- well they
can go smoke pot with Martha Steward cause that really
don't do nothin for us, does it? Here's MY demand to the
FM on the Budget- Since the govt's so gung-ho about their
employment guarantee schemes and helpin the poor
and stuff...So i say, officially register all of us bloggers
and pay us the minimum wage amount for making the
effort to write all the 'enlightening' pieces
like the one i'm writing now
in the name of blogging.Then we'll sing
Halleluiah in parliament house. Amen