A glimpse into the unknown
It doesn't really matter if you're a deranged, psychotic, harebrained, moronic (running out of adjectives) nutball who can't think beyond Jenna Jameson or what's for dinner. It doesn't matter if you can't tell the difference between a lavatory and a lamp post to answer the call of nature. There are moments when circumstances compels you to wonder deeply about life, how transient it can be, and the perenially debated question of 'what lies beyond'?
After an eventful day of shocks and jolts of high voltage, i was left nursing a sore arm and calf muscle. After almost being electrocuted in the bathroom (Apparently, there was some fault with the earth connection, we were later told), I'm sitting here wondering what might have happened if my brother had not turned off the switches when i shouted at him???What might have happened had the current flowed through my body for a few more minutes?? The other side of life beckoned me there for a brief moment, and i almost stretched out my hand and said yes..
The whole thing wasn't long, maybe about 10 seconds, but i'm telling you, a lot goes through your mind while the volts of moving electrons saps the living fluid out of you. And you end up realising, yet again, how fleeting life really is and how,despite all your plans, unpredictable it can be. Makes you feel really insignificant in the face of fate.
So u'll have to bear with me if i am a bit somber and philoshophical for the next few days.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Prologue- Due to pressure from some very influential people in the media including Ted Turner, Rajdeep Sardsai, Prannoy Roy, Monica lewinsky(hehe), and Hemant, i am compelled to use a smaller font for my blogs (well, at least for now).
Chapter 1: As if early morning shifts were not bad enough, the high and mighty have put me in the extra night shift for four days. It should be called the early-early morning shift bcause it starts at 2 am in the morning.
Of course, i'm not really working bcause i'm 90 per cent asleep most of the time. I can't even remember the stories i've editedzzzzzzzzz. But i've discovered a few plus points in working in a deserted office.
1. No Big bosses to boss you around.
2. No pressure.
3. Very little work.
4. You can visit the ladies room without fear of being seen.
5. You can use the internet to write your stupid blogs.
I'm too sleepy to write anymore. So goodnite. i mean, .. good morning (it's almost 3 am)
Chapter 1: As if early morning shifts were not bad enough, the high and mighty have put me in the extra night shift for four days. It should be called the early-early morning shift bcause it starts at 2 am in the morning.
Of course, i'm not really working bcause i'm 90 per cent asleep most of the time. I can't even remember the stories i've editedzzzzzzzzz. But i've discovered a few plus points in working in a deserted office.
1. No Big bosses to boss you around.
2. No pressure.
3. Very little work.
4. You can visit the ladies room without fear of being seen.
5. You can use the internet to write your stupid blogs.
I'm too sleepy to write anymore. So goodnite. i mean, .. good morning (it's almost 3 am)
Saturday, August 20, 2005
A nosy affair
Holy Mary! Those were the only two words I could think of at that inexplicable moment.
No no, I wasn't seeing an apparition of the Virgin mother. The object of my amazement was a man who jumped on the DTC bus as we were passing through South Avenue en route to CP a couple of days back.
The guy had a huge nose protruding outward from his face which i can only describe as scary. If he was an animal, experts would probably give it some fancy terminology like a Proboscis; or in case of a fish, an undulating, flagellating rudder organ with which he rows his whole body with. It would also likely be luminescent (come to think of it, i think it was already glowing at that time).
It looked like the beak of some giant exotic hornbill except that it had two circular holes filled with splinter-like hairs. If Mumbai had drainage pipes the size of those holes, I 'm certain the city would never have been flooded.
Of course, I’m not inferring that he’s ugly or anything; I’d be the first one to admit that he is still far more pleasing to the eye than ME. I mean, I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror daily for two decades and I still can’t forgive my parents. But that nose…...
Nose and knees, knees and nose. I was reminded of Salman Rushdie’s Midnight children; although I wasn’t sure if his nose had been gifted with special powers. But I’m sure he could smell freshly extruded turd miles away.
And with Rushdie came thoughts of Padma Lakshmi. O yes, that sweet purring baby. Here again, I’m not referring to Mr. R’s girlfriend, but my good friend Hemant’s Bike, which was christened Padma Lakshmi. Streamlined, heavy and totally YELLOW in colour. Hemant, dude, if you wanted to get noticed, there are more discrete ways than to ride a yellow bike in Delhi or on the Noida highway. Haha.
Anyway, coming back to Mr. nosy, I felt a little guilty starring at him with my jaws open, but he seemed the least bit disconcerted by his 'thing'. In fact, he was confidently surveying the bus, ostensibly for an empty seat. Either that or he was sniffing the air for smelly armpits to, maybe, threaten people to take a bath before boarding a bus or else ‘I’ll stuff your head inside my nose’ kinda threat.
Then he argued with the conductor on the price of the ticket - he said ‘do ka’, but the conductor said five. The bus suddenly screeched to a halt, and he lurched forward stumbling. He obviously could not smell danger. I got down and silently wished him good day. I've had 'had' enough of him. The whole thing was too nosy for me-literally.
Holy Mary! Those were the only two words I could think of at that inexplicable moment.
No no, I wasn't seeing an apparition of the Virgin mother. The object of my amazement was a man who jumped on the DTC bus as we were passing through South Avenue en route to CP a couple of days back.
The guy had a huge nose protruding outward from his face which i can only describe as scary. If he was an animal, experts would probably give it some fancy terminology like a Proboscis; or in case of a fish, an undulating, flagellating rudder organ with which he rows his whole body with. It would also likely be luminescent (come to think of it, i think it was already glowing at that time).
It looked like the beak of some giant exotic hornbill except that it had two circular holes filled with splinter-like hairs. If Mumbai had drainage pipes the size of those holes, I 'm certain the city would never have been flooded.
Of course, I’m not inferring that he’s ugly or anything; I’d be the first one to admit that he is still far more pleasing to the eye than ME. I mean, I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror daily for two decades and I still can’t forgive my parents. But that nose…...
Nose and knees, knees and nose. I was reminded of Salman Rushdie’s Midnight children; although I wasn’t sure if his nose had been gifted with special powers. But I’m sure he could smell freshly extruded turd miles away.
And with Rushdie came thoughts of Padma Lakshmi. O yes, that sweet purring baby. Here again, I’m not referring to Mr. R’s girlfriend, but my good friend Hemant’s Bike, which was christened Padma Lakshmi. Streamlined, heavy and totally YELLOW in colour. Hemant, dude, if you wanted to get noticed, there are more discrete ways than to ride a yellow bike in Delhi or on the Noida highway. Haha.
Anyway, coming back to Mr. nosy, I felt a little guilty starring at him with my jaws open, but he seemed the least bit disconcerted by his 'thing'. In fact, he was confidently surveying the bus, ostensibly for an empty seat. Either that or he was sniffing the air for smelly armpits to, maybe, threaten people to take a bath before boarding a bus or else ‘I’ll stuff your head inside my nose’ kinda threat.
Then he argued with the conductor on the price of the ticket - he said ‘do ka’, but the conductor said five. The bus suddenly screeched to a halt, and he lurched forward stumbling. He obviously could not smell danger. I got down and silently wished him good day. I've had 'had' enough of him. The whole thing was too nosy for me-literally.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Succour in the arms of Caffeine
I had my first early morning shift at the Office. As with everything new with me- it turned into a serious test of my mental strength, spirit, and my desire to overcome life's trials and tribulations. My only saviour was, as usual, caffeine. But i had to wait a long time for salvation, literally.
I had to be at the desk at 8 AM, so i had to ACTUALLY WAKE UP when my alarm rang. So, I crawled out of bed in the middle of the night ( i.e. 6 AM) and went straight to my favourite room (the toilet).
It was like sleepwalking - i still don't know how i got on the Bus ( or how i put my pants on). I spent the whole morning going through the motions in a daze as i couldn't wake myself up. This is because it was so early that the canteen wasn't open, so i couldn't get Tea.
And as anyone who 'medically' need tea knows, we are no better off than Zombies until we've had our fix of caffeine.
After about two hazy hours (feels more like eternity) spent mostly dreaming about bed (no thoughts about a perverted bed-wrestling here, just the plain BED) , the Chai walla finally showed up. About time( I had almost succumbed to the torture by then).
It almost felt like a betrayal by a friend, like the song 'you left me just when i needed you most'.
If i didn't need it so much, i would have thrown the cup to the floor and stick my tongue out. But better sense prevailed and i forgave and drank up. AAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...i was finally ready to take on the world again.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Interpreting the Interpreter
(An obviously crappy attempt to review the film 'The Interpreter')
Maybe it was because i arrived late at the theatre, maybe it was because i sat in the wrong seat for the first few minutes, maybe it was because i spilled popcorn all over my belly and crotch, maybe it was because the big. bulky dude sitting next to me was kinda stinky,or smelly, undeodorised, or whichever way u wanna put it. Or maybe it was the accumulation of all these unfortunate events; or maybe it was just because the film just didn't have enough substance and emotion- the Interpreter was a Big disappointment.
It wasn't advertised as an action flick, so i wasn't expecting anything along those lines.But it was suppossed to be engrossing, full of suspense, and of course, two oscar winners as the leading pair.The emotional content just wasn't enough. And u can't really picture Nicole kidman as a former guerrilla fighter in the jungles of Africa. And i guess the script JUST didn't have enough heart-wrenching dialouges to really set your emotions rolling.
And i could already predict the ending halfway through the film (And to think i don't believe in psychic powers).And to top that, not even one lousy kissing scene, or one small glimpse of Nicole's thighs, har har.
Then again....... maybe it was because i was with a girl and was too busy to actually see the film....Now if only somebody would be kind enough to tell me what the ending of the movie was actuall like.....
(An obviously crappy attempt to review the film 'The Interpreter')
Maybe it was because i arrived late at the theatre, maybe it was because i sat in the wrong seat for the first few minutes, maybe it was because i spilled popcorn all over my belly and crotch, maybe it was because the big. bulky dude sitting next to me was kinda stinky,or smelly, undeodorised, or whichever way u wanna put it. Or maybe it was the accumulation of all these unfortunate events; or maybe it was just because the film just didn't have enough substance and emotion- the Interpreter was a Big disappointment.
It wasn't advertised as an action flick, so i wasn't expecting anything along those lines.But it was suppossed to be engrossing, full of suspense, and of course, two oscar winners as the leading pair.The emotional content just wasn't enough. And u can't really picture Nicole kidman as a former guerrilla fighter in the jungles of Africa. And i guess the script JUST didn't have enough heart-wrenching dialouges to really set your emotions rolling.
And i could already predict the ending halfway through the film (And to think i don't believe in psychic powers).And to top that, not even one lousy kissing scene, or one small glimpse of Nicole's thighs, har har.
Then again....... maybe it was because i was with a girl and was too busy to actually see the film....Now if only somebody would be kind enough to tell me what the ending of the movie was actuall like.....
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