EXSQUEEZE ME PLEASE !
(Travails of a chicken in a overcrowded coop)

Hear me out and bear my sloppy writing till the end of the post. I predict that you’ll come out of it fully in favour of birth control, no matter how conservative you may be. Here’s why –
One fine day, i was returning from a seminar and decided to take the economical route, which translates into a royal ride in an RTV Van. At first it looked quite promising.It’s small, quick, and hopefully it wouldn’t stop at every Bus stand. Turns out I wasn’t very good in predicting the future.
The conductor started stuffing passengers inside the van like we were farm chickens, tossing in one guy after another till the van started bulging outward. Seeing this, the altruistic conductor thought it was enough; so he pushed in ONLY five more people to fill up the spaces which might be there between our entangled bodies and feet.
I could feel my eyeballs ready to pop out of their socket due to all the squeezing. We were like a bunch of siamese twins packed together in a confined space for a Fevicol ad.
The hot topics of discussion were like- can you tilt your head, I need to blink! Or, can you move your chin up and down, I need you to scratch my itchy back! And when there was a whiff of air, we selfishly gulped it down before the other person had a chance.
Through all the silent cursings about why there were so many ‘other’ people in the world, we fought for every nano-microscopic pockets of air; and rejoiced and gave each other mental ‘high fives’ whenever a person got down and created temporary space before another got on.
But even empty spaces are filled with danger. Its when an inconsiderate bozo takes advantage of the available space and, instead of taking in air, decides to give out air. The sound (if any) of the public display of flatulence is the only warning that one gets before the deadly gas-byproduct of all the food ingested invades the nostrils and proceeds to interfere with your body’s vital functions.
I’ve never been a victim of a nerve gas attack, by I think I can safely assume what it feels like. Its at this exact point in space and time, when all your senses become numbed, that you drift off into nothingness- instant Nirvana.
When I finally reached my stop, I managed to somehow crawl through a mess of shoes, bellies and even faces to the exit. Ah, freedom! Next time, I’d rather take my chances with a kamikaze pilot; or even worse, a Delhi auto driver.